ENGLISH : ATTITUDE or language barrier?

Hi guys ,

I would like to discuss about this problem "ATTITUDE".

Have you ever read social media comments recently? they typed whatever they want to speak before think twice.  

Actually, I have been criticized by family for being to stubborn if i have my own opinion

Sometimes they will say, i shall do in a polite way. Do not shout, I do not teach you to shout or yell in home, mom said. True, some time even for me i still can not act properly in different situational. It does not mean when i am in home, i shall consider to speak more politely cause we speak in honorific language, but they way i speak is more important. Do not rise your voice, how many times my sister told me. 

Well it's just an introduction to our topic. In the past, i have been strongly believed that language barrier is the biggest problem in communication. But, it seems wrong now. Like a case in my home, mom does not care whatever language i use to speak with her but the problem is how i speak to her. 

Because in communication process, there is a non verbal language that can be understand by your partner even they do not really understand what you speak. Like tears can express the emotion of sad or your hand gesture while speaking also help your partner to understand your message. The problem is how you treat your speaking partner. They are listening to you. They invest their precious time to be your listener. So, if you just focus on your message without considering how does it should be speak , i doubt your partner is happy to have conversation with you. 

Lets make it short~~Forget it. I am gonna tell you another story

Living in Korea, makes me realize another thing. Those who say that the mid age people are unfriendly might needs to think twice. Why? The fact shows me different view. I have experience living in two cities, one is Gyeongsan and Seoul. Both has a similar thing, ajumma (the married girl, mid age woman)  who clean our dorm is so friendly. Whenever i smile or say  안녕하세요( Ipa: annjʌŋ ɦasejo , they will smile back or answer my greetings. Sometimes, they spoke to me. Some people will say, o yes you can speak Korean that's why they speak to you. NO NO you miss my point. they do it to everyone. My friend who is suffering in communication with Korean (i will tell later the reason) sometime can talk with ajumma.  Although it is just a short conversation such us basic greetings, expression of happiness but ajumma listen and pay attention to her. That's my point. Well i do not try to generalize all ajumma here but most of time, they are so polite to foreigner. Even sometimes they talk to much (like mom) or yell to me when i take banchan (side dish) too much. 

And how about the average Korean? Are they kind and polite? Yes. They are kind and polite. For politeness, i will not doubt it because their language has honorific form (which is same as my mother tongue;read as Javanese). But when we talk about how they interact to foreigner, most of them will say that language barrier is the biggest problem for them. Have you ever heard some body says that she/he can not speak English so it is hard to have foreign friends? I can understand but then i will say are you kidding me. Show this blog to native English and then they will easily point out my grammar error. 

Guys, the biggest problem here is not about your language skill. It's related to your attitude. In case you can not speak English, then you do not approach foreigner, instead you will blame the language, you are in problem. You have an attitude problem. It is same if you, a foreigner who can not speak Korean, and does not approach Korean (because they can not speak English), instead may be complain about how can people can not speak English, you are in problem too. 

I will give an example to make it clear. Wonder if you have same problem. 

My friend can not speak fluently in Korean but she understand what people tell to her (passive speaker). She has a problem to arrange the final ending or non final ending in Korean. Or even put the proper particle. She smiles and greets ajumma and people whom she knows. Always say thank you whenever she gets help. With this kind of attitude, she still suffer whenever she communicate with her Korean fellows in classes. Why? 

Do you know the word  삼삼오오  (grouping)? or  우리끼리(just in your circle)?Her department only has one experience to receipt one foreigner before (a Chinese who can speak Korean better than my friend). She said her classmates tend to talk only with their group. First i think it because we are studying in womans university but i feel that it can be happened everywhere. She will go together with her classmates  only if the professor ask them to do field study. No body asked her out. I met her friends in person. When she got sick, they accompanied us to acupuncture clinic.Such as nice people . Sadly why they just care when my friend got sick. If i jump to a conclusion, where were them when my fried needed help. Her classmate said if she tell to her professor sooner, she can get better treatment. Hey common, why you do not notice that some body in your classes does not feel well? their classes only have five student. 

But , i could not jump in conclusion, we need to be fair. First, maybe her classmates did not know about her health issues cause my friend did not tell them. Second, Korean life is so tough. They do not have time to hang out with friends. Study is only their choice. So that is why her friend never ask her to hang out. 

In my opinion, they do not have a good communication in a community. Not because their language barrier problem (since many Koreans understand English and my friend understand Korean), but how they treat each other as part of the community. Korean is a communal community but nowadays the individualism sparks everywhere. You just go to classes for yourself. You do not care your classmates, just care about your grade and your future. That's all. 

I will compare my problem that i face in Korean society.  I do not have a problem in verbal communication. But I struggle with the politeness and  눈치 ( you have to see people around you act first) society. Fyi , my mother tongue is also a honorific language too ( which is more complicated than Korean) and i used to with the typically same society. For instance, when my mom and i visited my relative, mom forced me to stay hunger just to wait our relative asked us to eat (fed us food). Mom said it was not polite to ask food. (what mom? i can order or go with taxi to get some food). She kept saying no. What was the politeness for mom~~~if i have hurt my self.

Some time, people are so polite in expression that actually they do not really mean that. It just what you can call intermezzo or GREETING. For me , greeting expression like where are you going,have you eat are okay. But when it comes to promise, let's eat one time together, i will contact you later are so annoying. Like what i said before, why you should say when you do not really mean it. Or at least teach me first that it was only for greeting. Well, as a Korean learner, i do not find it in text book but i did a research, i asked my teacher about this.
Do not mistake me that i hate those honorific and formal expressions. I love it whenever they use the expression in the terms like asking my order, announcement and etc. But you do need that if you are friend of me. Because i do not want my friend talk to me like talk to stranger. No one Korean use formal expression to talk to their friends. Sometimes even to their mom or dad. Me too. I do not use proper language to my mom.Why ? cause i do not build a wall there. I talk to her the way i talk to my friend so i will not hide any single thing and feel burden to speak. as a comparison,speaking to grandpa is so hard,sometimes i end up mix it with Indonesian. 

So if the foreigner who are living in Korea, is also part of society, why do not people treat us like they treat Korean in terms of communication? Just small talk and showing your care or attention (does not mean you need to ask about personal stuff)will be glad for foreigner. While also,if you are foreigner in Korea, teach your friend how they should communicate with you. Speak up if you do not  feel comfortable with your environment. Especially, if you live in campus, go get consultation.

Actually, a good communication between Korean and foreigner can make an opportunity for both of them. Like in my department, Those who wanna teach foreigner shall know what are our biggest problem in studying in Korean. So they need my stories. I need their help to have a better understanding in Korean. Learning language as a learner and as a teacher is a waaaaaaaaaaaaay different.

Let's make a better world. 

see u on next post