*disclaimer : all written here is pure my subjective opinion and i will try to do not offense any group.
First, I want to recall my old memories. Starting from i was an elementary kids. As i told before in my previous post, i moved from state school to Islamic private school. I felt shocked actually. But i just could express it. We had to wear a covered uniform and studied at school till four pm. In the very beginning process, the school only changed my outer. And as second grade kid, i did not care about why i had to use the hijab. What i knew was my new school is different and seemed to be more interesting than the old one. Since it just changed my uniform, i cheated for the first time in the exam. I brought a paper, full of the expected surah and answers. Judge me if you want to judge. Two of my friends knew it and told me that i could not do something like that during exam. Well, i just felt guilty after that. But if i recalled my opinion at that time, i had a reason why i brought that paper. I was a state school student. I was not familiar with all surahs in quran. At that time, reading quran, even for a sentence was so hard. Do not even a sentence, i still could not read properly the letters. Several years after that, i felt that what i did before was not a sin.it was a mistake. Not only me but school too. How you could ask a transferred kid to memorize something unfamilliar? So for me, it was a learning. Until now i am learning by doing mistakes. And now, whenever i have an exam, i will say do not think about grades. Just focus on my understanding to the related subject.
Second, I moved to another environment again when i was in high school. After being almost 9 years private school student, i had to step on new society. My friends were so different. No more boy and girl class separation, no more Arabic class, Islam related subject was only given two hours a week. OH, i felt so stressed. In this step, i was really miss my tahfidz (memorizing quran) class. I have been haunted of guilt emotions if i lose my memories, Yes you can JUDGE ME. why you do not go to Islamic school , so you can continue your tahfidz programs.why you are so into dunya (materialism) , just worry about your future university...
well it was a choice. I had many theories about being a good moslems and my friends were all moslems. So, i was grew up in homogeneous society (despite some of my friends are arabic Indonesia), which can lead me to feel superior.But after moved to high school, i could understand many things that i have been questioned before in junior high school. Well, high school is well know for first loves story,puppy love or friend zone, but for me it was a social laboratory or observation. I was so shocked when seeing for the first time my friend held her boyfriend like almost kissing. You will say that it was normal, wake up!Yes for you, but not for me. I had 9 years studying in Islamic environment which banned any boys girl relationship. Otherwise you will include in blacklist.
So, what i want to say is i did not blame them. It was their choice.. But i was failed. I judged them (sorry friends). then, slowly made my self realized that in this new environment, i should not judge them. They were in their process. As I,also was in a process too. You know what happened than, because of a prejudice, somebody was misunderstood my opinion and told to every one that i shared some thing about that couple to my teacher. I felt so sad because i did not do it but i learnt many things of it. I will stay away from a badmouth. If our mouth often to speak bad words, it will not easy to appreciate somebody else.
Third, my junior who also graduated from Islamic school took off her hijab when she started high school life. as a senior, me and some of my friends, we were really upset. If you graduated from elementary then you take out your hijab, i could understand but this?I do not know why my self was so angry. Maybe because i wanted her to keep our previous school name in new school. oh my God, when i just realized it then i shouted to my self, i was so fool. No need to do that. So, then in my life, i met some one who started to wear hijab and also the one who decided to take off the hijab. Now i could understand both of them. Yeah well, if i feel upset, i just kept it by myself. But i do not need to judge them as a bad woman. What they did was a process of learning. Same cases for my friend who decided to convert their religion. I will frankly speak that i am upset but as it their choices, then it is their rights, not my right. I do not need to feel guilty or have to do something on it. I have many things to do in my life.
Fourth, I am currently living in Korea. I was a triple majority in Indonesia but here , in Korea, i am triple minority (women, Indonesia, moslem). Some body will say if you move to a place, you shall move to a good place for practicing Islam. I refused that opinion. Sorry, this time was also a choice. I chose to study in non friendly moslem society. Does it hard? so hard. Even if the fact that we are same Asian, First, not like China which has a muslim ethnic, Korean does not have it. A minority population of moslem are mostly converted muslim. This society is driven by unseen (conventional) confusion tradition. Even you believe one religion. Then like i said before, practicing Islam is hard compared to Indonesia. And here is a choice too. No body care about your religion or your status. Here people are more interested on your love story, travel story or your achievement. Like eating food for example, you will find so many moslems choose to eat non halal food. You will find out moslem in all over the word are different. The one who is really strict about the food (will even never eat outside because worrying of the oil),or like me (if the non halal substance is not inside the food then i can eat), the one who only do not eat pork,or the one who does not care about the restriction.
If some one judge one of this group, then i would like to recommend them to travel here. Test yourself here! May be you do not drink alcohol in Indonesia, but because of environment , then you start drink. It is so possible to happen. I tell you everything can happen here. Here, i feel that religion is more about me, God and how i treat people. I do not need to score/ to judge others. They are doing their lives while me also have my own life. While we need to be together, it is a good time to understand each other. I wrote people in my facebook status that i do not to force my friend to eat halal food or they also do not force me to eat non halal food. And 100% halal food is not every where in Korea. What i am doing now is i am trying to avoid non halal substances. For example, if we eat food, i will ask my friend to eat in restaurants that have many menus. So I can eat veggie or seafood.
Last, i know somebody will say that no body judge you why you think that some one are judging you (shuudzon)? This post is not for answering judgments. But more likely to ask people to think twice before before jump in a conclusion. If no one judge me than i will be so happy.
One sentence that i like for this week ( i saw from my friend's instagram)
I was not born to please every one
see you
see you
(back to boook)
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